I was introduced to the Enneagram about two years ago. It was during our January teacher workday, and a parent of a couple of my students taught a seminar on it (shoutout to Gina Butz!). I introduced Ali to it, and we began a journey of self discovery. Like other personality tests, we tend to then use them in our mentoring relationships.
It was later on that year that Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile released The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery. Amazon is telling me that I purchased it in May 2011, but I think IVP might have sent me a review copy sooner. In either case, I read the parts that pertained to me and then let Ali read about her, and then I didn’t see the book for a few months because she devoured it, and lent it out to various people.
I say all this as back story for the book you see above, which is a kind of sequel. You don’t necessarily need to read The Road Back to You before reading The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships. But, you can see how understanding yourself better then leads to wanting to understand and relate to others in a more healthy way.
I am more or less assuming you are familiar with what the Enneagram is in what follows. But, if you’re not, the basic gist is that each of us has a personality number, which can have a wing, and each number also has a direction of stress and a direction of security. In my case, I am a 1, with a 9 wing. Because I’m a 1, by direction of stress is to take on the negative characteristics of a 4. In my case, that means I get moody and withdrawn. On the flipside, my direction of security is toward a 7, and I become more spontaneous and playful (you’d have to see it to believe it). Without knowing the personality characteristics, all of that might not mean as much to you. But, if you’re curious, go read The Road Back to You or listen to the No Chill Enneagram podcast, or follow Sleeping At Last’s songs about the numbers.
Anyway, in this particular volume, sent to me courtesy of IVP, Suzanne Stabile offers readers a rundown of each of the numbers starting with 8. In each chapter, she explains a bit about each number, gets into the directions of stress and security, and then has a single page (front and back) that gives a rundown on how that particular number can move toward healthy relationships, or how you can relate in a more healthy way to that number.
So, in my case, I’d read the chapter on 1’s and also 2’s because that’s what my wife is. I found out yesterday I have a lot of students who are 3’s, so I’d read through that chapter as well. One of my best friend’s is a 9, so I’d read about that, and well, I’ll just end up reading the whole thing. However, much like the first book, I think it’s something you read as it’s relevant, rather than straight through once and that’s it. I mean you can do that, but it might not be the best way to consume it.
While the Enneagram might have its shortcomings, I’ve found it is a useful tool for understanding myself and others. It is not infallible, nor is it necessarily scientifically rigorous. But, as I’ve said elsewhere in relation to personality tests in general:
These tests are popular for a reason. They often cohere with many people’s lived experience and are often accurate predictors of behavior. If they didn’t, they couldn’t be popular. And by noting that they cohere with people’s experience is to say they correspond to that person’s reality.
Often, tests like the Enneagram will correspond to a person’s reality in a way that previously defied description. For a few people I know, taking the Enneagram helped them express and explain themselves in a new way. It aided their self-discovery, and as Calvin suggests, is a way to turn our thoughts toward God.
To the extent that tests like this accomplish that goal, they should be used and enjoyed by those who experience them as a catalyst for growth on all fronts.
I think you’ll find understand how the Enneagram explains personalities and relationships helpful. If you don’t, that’s ok too, and Kevin DeYoung has a blog for you. At the end of the day, I think it’s at least worth checking out with modest expectations, and these books are a good place to start.